Truth can sometimes be taken from us. It’s too bad, but part of life. Sometimes we don’t even know a truth has been taken - and sometimes we do. When we don’t know we may be subconsciously bothered by something we can’t put our finger on. And when we do know, we may, at some point, be compelled to pursue the truth and retrieve of it what we can.
During the course of truth retrieval there is often incredible anticipation and excitement - especially when the information is and was fundamental to identity formation and was absent, implicitly or explicit, for a very long time. Information so quintessential to one’s individuality, that when finally faced with it, feelings of fulfillment and relief can be incredibly evolutionary and intensely moving.
My life began with a big secret and I lived with it for 25 years. I then found I couldn’t go on without at least attempting to burst the painful, anxiety provoking bubble of secrecy I was living in. I was born in a Catholic Charities maternity center for unwed mothers. St. Monica's. My mother was a seventeen year old, unmarried high school girl in a loving but doomed relationship with a pro baseball player too old for her at their ages - my father, He was already a father to a daughter of 3 and married. He terminated his parental rights before I was even born. Both sets of my living and thriving grandparents offered her no assistance. Vulnerable and ignorant of her legal options she was coerced into signing me over to the state and placing me for adoption. In theory and contractually, we were never supposed to see or hear from each other again. I was supposed to be a new person. And we were supposed to, expected to, forget.
I became a real live classified person the day she signed me away. And through the barbaric practice of private adoption I remain still, technically, a classified person. My original birth certificate went into a sealed file that was unopened until recent years. I was issued a replacement birth certificate and became legally someone else.
Rather than feeling like someone else -I felt like an empty person, devoid of a past. Even while I was full of myself, I felt empty about myself in one sense but a lively spirit in another. In the immediate mental sense, I felt like nobody. I looked to my friends for identity cues.
Growing up inside such an all encompassing secret I relied on instinctual tendencies toward certain ideas within me. They formed the framework of a personality. I didn’t have much faith in my own personality though because I wasn’t convinced it could be real. At the time, I felt that personality was something you must inherit and develop through reference to biological family. Just like how the way you look is inherited. Therefore patterns in my own personality that I became aware of I would quietly discount as a mock up.
Nevertheless, for some reason, despite insecurities, anxieties and nights of childhood sleeplessness, a little fire of hope burned in my heart, that someday I would know myself.
So imagine - my inner world of hopeful emptiness, genetic isolation, anxiety and nerves over this long unresolved wound; the loss of my history. Now imagine finding myself a young adult with the option, legally and emotionally, to call the adoption agency that processed me (Catholic Charities) and ask about the secret file with the precious details of my life in it.
Imagine hearing them say yes, we do have your information and yes, you can obtain it. It’s like the heart will explode with impending knowledge, it beats so fast! The mind racing as it’s faced with a missing longed for truth! The truth of self!
Imagine being a young adult and for the first time learning who your parents are and the circumstances of your birth. Why you look the way you do. A story, a history you wondered about every single day, every moment of your life it haunted you. A fundamental truth you were denied and desperately missed.
And then, suddenly, the truth. I got to talk to them, meet them, hear from them and about them; and about me, and how I got here. I discovered siblings I never knew existed and relish in the information and insight they share with me to this day. Stories of my ancestors, my parents love affair, dramas, and traumas and how I came to be through all of them.
Years of desperate hunger for knowledge - satiated.
Day by day, relief still sets in as knowledge feeds the heart and soul; every moment of revelation like the anticipation and fulfillment of Christmas morning.
That little fire of hope still burns inside me. I fan its flames with knowledge and truth. The pleasure of truth is so deeply moving, enriching and enlivening that I wanted it to continue beyond my immediate adoption circumstance. So, logically, I continued to research things, other things, broadening the expanse of my study to include society, science, religion, philosophy, Yoga, metaphysics, literature, politics, governments, world organizations, shadow organizations and ultimately the actual layout of our physical dimension.
By my mid twenties I had a degree in psychology, serious spiritual interest, a son and a spouse. I had become vegetarian as soon as it clicked in my young head that I could. And during the course of this life I’ve been really fortunate to meet people who have offered me information that has guided me in the direction of truth. I didn’t know where the knowledge was going to take me but I trusted it to take me there, wherever, to where I am now - a truther.
At the very beginning, pre-internet, I learned of simple truths like:
-Fluoride and other poison in tap water
-Dangers of antibiotics, pharmaceuticals and relying on medical system
- The importance of diet, herbs, vitamins and self care
I modified my habits appropriately as I acquired new information, all the while basking, in the satisfaction redeemed from finally discovering some truths in my life.
My quiet, adopted girl - small town Catholic life - was feeling far behind me and exploding with substance, texture and truth. I continued my study of psychology beyond college because academia barely scratches the surface of what one needs to know about the mind – one’s own mind, the mind of others and the collective.
My interest in the science of consciousness has taken me on an exciting journey, which lasts to this day, into the study of eastern psychology and philosophy. Much joy I’ve taken, and continue to take, in the revelations experienced and integrated thanks to the profound 8 fold Yoga system of supreme self awareness and its associated scriptural texts, The Yoga Sutras and The Bhagavad Gita.
When I began my journey as a ‘truther’ internet was still in its infancy, so it was a slow go at first.
Then, it happened, the INTERNET!!!! A living information highway!
Around 2008 I was introduced to something big, something revolutionary, something paradigm shifting - the world of conspiracy theories.
*Now, let me insert a disclaimer before I continue.....
Regardless of the fact that I love knowledge, I am also skeptical of it too! I am no body's sucker, not gullible, nor naïve. I start out as a skeptic of anything I study probably because I was a skeptic of myself and everything else growing up. I stated previously that I didn’t even believe in the existence of my own personality; a personality that contained within it the same intuitions before knowledge - as it does now after knowledge. A personality, that, despite reincarnating many times, when faced with the experience of not being part of its biological family structure, doubted its own instincts.
So, I started off with the faked moon landings.
Which led me to study NASA, project paperclip, secret societies and ruling families (Bilderburg, Illuminati, Skull and bones, Freemasons, Jesuits, Rothschilds, Rockefellers, Dupont, Astor, Walton, Morgan, etc….)
I researched mind control and demoniac symbolism in the entertainment/music industry.
I studied the questions and obvious answers surrounding 911.
I studied sacred geometry, numerology, astrology, taroh, crop circles, lay lines, earth chakras, human chakras and the subtle body.
I stayed at an ashram for a month in a tent on a mountainside and did austerities.
In 2013, I came across something that, at first, I dismissed but eventually I listened to. I entered into this particular arena of truther-ism with the same indoctrinated skeptism that any objective researcher should.
The flat earth theory.
YES! (Don't stop reading.....!!! Trust me for a minute.)
The shape of the stable Earth upon which we stand (and float) is not spherical. The evidence I've gained through direct observation and simple mathematics proves it.
I’m not going to spend my time here trying to convince anyone of anything, we all have to do our own non emotional research and follow our own inclinations. But I can tell you with confidence and certainty from study and speculation that the Earth dimension we live in is a plane, like a disc, a petri dish with a top on it.
This fits with the cosmic descriptions given by the most advanced ancient cultures.
Reading the Hindu text, Srimad Bhagavatam, was another life changing truth adventure. The description of our complex cosmic multidimensional situation given by advanced mystic yogi scribes, is multi-layered and fantastic.
Revisiting the Hebrew Biblical Old Testament description of the Earth's dimensions was another wonderful experience.
Not only is the Earth not a globe but it is the center of this dimension and the sun, moon and stars travel around it. The evidence shows that the heliocentric model we’ve all been taught is a lie. The Earth, not the sun is the center of our world here. Yet, corrupted controllers will have us believe we are a random accident, meaningless, godless monkey men riding on a speck of dust at bullet speed through a dangerous, massiveness, incomprehensible universe.
They use the indoctrination power that is the school system and entertainment industry.
The corporate and shadow governments of the world work together under the authority of elite family systems, to pull the wool over the eyes of us worklings. They need us to think a certain way and to believe in a very narrow assortment of possibilities.
Just as I was supposed to as a child - to believe in a very narrow range of possibilities and to just accept the false information I was given so as to not upset the apple cart.
By lying to us they collect trillions in taxes while pretending to research a universe they have no access to physically.
We live in a closed system. Just ask Bill Nye...lol.
Yet, lies cannot always win out over a fertile intellect, a curious consciousness and a driven soul. Even though we are all chipped away at through mass poisoning, both physically and intellectually, some of us cannot be fooled forever and will rise above conditioning and ridicule to see the world for what it really is.
Sadly, by and large, we are encouraged to remain ignorant, to willingly destroy our capacity to use the full function of our brain power and to offer the preciousness of our human lives up to corporate powers that consume our energy like the air we breathe.
Eventually 5G may take us all down, making this place and us, as semi-sovereigns for the time being, unrecognizable.
That little fire in my heart will remain burning as I venture into the next part of my learning journey through Earth life. I’ll keep researching and adapting and readying myself for the next level of higher existence. I know that knowledge, truth, will take me there. The life and will of the awakened soul (atma) will remain intact forever and will find itself conscious for self expression in a new dimension because of the work done in the here and now on planet Earth.
This diagram I've designed represents the bubbles of secrets I lived in - and have made my way out of - thus far.